That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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