My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
