i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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