Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
