I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
