whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
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