If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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