She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
