I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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