somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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