If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on