Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack