why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
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Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
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I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...