She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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