it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
