How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
