It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
