Your mouth is God's brothel.
one might say we're banned from that church
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
