ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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