I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
