He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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