he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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