Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
