I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
