Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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