i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
