ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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