This is not my ceiling
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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