I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
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You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
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bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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