it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
