Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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