I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
