I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
how do you play pong handcuffed?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
