She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
