I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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