Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
