Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
