That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
