I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize