explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
