how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
