I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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