Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
