Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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