You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
