Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
