nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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