I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
My ATM looks so different sober.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
