Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
