I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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