whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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