He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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