On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
