i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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