After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
