Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
