I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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