you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
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She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
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I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Come share oat with me in your robe
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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