Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Maybe he injected his testicle?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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