I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
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