Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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