Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I need a burrito and a hug.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
