she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
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He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
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Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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