I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
