If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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